Sorting Hat's Song (Year 1) has been transfigured to...
Lindasy Lohan's Newest Single
"Oh, you may think I'm very pretty,
Yes, you should judge on what you see,
I'll eat a crumb if you can find
A thinner hat than me.
You can keep your bowels tied,
You dyed hair sleek and full,
For I'm the Hogwarts Sorting Hat
And I outshine them all.
There's nothing hidden in my shirt
The random man can't see,
So look at me and I will tell you
Who you ought to be.
You might belong in Beverly,
Where dwell the nips and tucks,
Their dim witt, legs, and surgery
Add to their dos and plucks;
You might belong in NYC,
Where they are plastic and unloyal,
Those impatient runway girls are mean
And quite afraid of toil;
Or yet in dumb young London,
If you've not a ready mind,
Where those of beauty and modeling,
Will always find their kind;
Or perhaps in Paris
You'll make your real friends,
Those starving folks use any means
To achieve their ends.
So put me on! Don't be afraid!
And don't get my new blouse in a whirl!
You're in safe hands (though mine are bony)
For I'm a barbie girl!"
Hogwarts School Song is transformed into...
America's Plea To President George W. Bush
"George Bush, George Bush, George-y Bush-y George
Bush,
Let us teach you something please,
Whether we be bald and old
Or young with scabby knees,
Your head could do with filling
With some political stuff,
You've ruined us, you've taken Iraq,
Your excuses are bits of fluff,
Let us teach you things worth knowing,
Bring back what you never knew,
Just do your best, we'll do the rest,
We'll help the government make a President of you."
Riddle of Snape's placed in the Chamber he was guarding magically
becomes...
A Warning Against Going to Burger King, McDonalds, Wendy's,
Sonic, Dairy Queen, and White Castle
Heart attack lies before you, while good health lies
behind,
None of us will help you, no matter what you find,
All among us seven will make you move ahead,
Only the reverse setting on your car will transport you back
instead,
Two among our number hold empty calories,
Three of us are killers, ready to team up with your bill's late
fees.
Choose, unless you wish to stay hungry forevermore,
To help you in your choice, we give you these clues four:
First, however slyly the pure grease tries to hide,
You will always find some on the Big Mac's left side;
Second, different are those who stand at either end,
But if you would live to see retirement, neither is your friend;
Third, as you see clearly, all are different price,
Yet both Dollar Menu and discount coupons hold
death in their insides;
Fourth, the second left and the second on the right
Are different once you taste them, although twins
at first sight.
